he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
