One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
