My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
