okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
