Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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