I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
