my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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