I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
