Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
