I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
