i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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