You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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