come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
