There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
