It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
