I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
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