First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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