What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
