ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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