everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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