I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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