Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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