Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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