Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
