If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
