omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
