we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Never joke about your clitoris.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
