did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
