who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
