Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
