dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
