I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and you said cock pushups were impossible
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
