people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Why can't burritos get me drunk
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
