Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
