do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Randomize
