you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
