Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
