No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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