i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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