I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
