I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
