Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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