She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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