i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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