addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
