do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You made out with two different species that night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
