How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
