I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
