we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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