Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
