well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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