Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
