I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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