I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
