It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
