Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
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