if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
