I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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