if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
