drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
