this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
