If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
