My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Never let your siblings swipe right.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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