i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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