We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
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don't judge my taste in strippers
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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