Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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