He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
