Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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