After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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