Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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