Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
