physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
