Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
