My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
