Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize