So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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