I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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