if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
